I get upset about a lot of things, but only because I choose to be upset. "That is my choice." The real measure of our discipleship is how we treat other people — so treat them kindly. I have been a proponent of saying this to myself and to others for many years. But, on those rare occasions God calls for it, we may miss the opportunity to be his tool in transforming society. Of course, I am mighty good in assisting people to decide to be offended. It’s becoming a victim of other people’s choices, many times when they don’t even mean to offend you. Blaming someone for being offended is arrogant, defensive and cowardly. In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14 ). That is false. In February 2015 I was asked to serve as a bishop in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church).¹ Bishops do not campaign for office nor are they compensated for their time. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. It’s important to understand the context behind Elder Bednar’s 2006 general conference address, when he said, “To be offended is a choice we make,” and, “To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon.” They feel that since they were baptized as infants that they are somehow under condemnation or that their parents are deemed negatively in some sense. Whether a rape victim or simply the business end of an offensive person, it is not the person making offense that is to blame but the person being offended or injured. Indeed, believing that another person … ... As a stake president I have seen many people drift into inactivity due to being offended when clearly no offense was intended. Those who hurt others will indeed have to answer for it. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. Luke 7:23 - And blessed is [he], whosoever shall not be offended in me. Leaving the 99 to rescue the one is Christ-like service. Nov 11, 2019 - Explore Candice Leatherberry's board "Offended quotes", followed by 110 people on Pinterest. If I react by plugging my nose or leaving the area, I'm making a choice. By someone’s words, or actions. It’s human nature…if I can blame my faults on somebody else offending me, then I don’t have to own that weakness or make effort to overcome it. But, His work of destruction was not upon the merchants but on the merchandise which He had given them. But it is our choice to TAKE offence. Donations are made privately at the choice of regular members of the church on their own initiative. Being offended is a choice. Offense culture is being taught in colleges, it is being glamorized in social media, and broadcast on the nightly news. We are children of the LORD and our knowledge of him through obedience is not because we are valued more by Him or because our righteousness has earned us a privileged position. Timing, tone, and choice of words all play a role in serving others with tact—or conversely, a lack of tact. Her parents divorced when she was young, but she continued to have a good relationship with her father — even after he married a woman who was emotionally and occasionally even physically abusive to his children. “Being offended” is not as admirable a trait as you may think it is. A 24 year old overweight single sister went to see her Bishop for some advice. 1. As Prospero said to the regretful Alonso in The Tempest, “Let us not burden our remembrance with a heaviness that’s gone.”. We should never neglect to take responsibility for the hurtful things we say — even if they weren’t ill-intentioned, but especially if they were — by pointing the finger at another, blaming them for being too sensitive. To Those Offended at Mormon’s Words. “Being offended is a choice. The problems involved with the questions belong to the questioner.” “Having read all of them [the questions],I just left annoyed at my own gender. LOG IN; REGISTER; settings. Today I'm sharing a story of an interesting experience I went through when I posted a video that a group of people found offensive (many even before taking the time to view it). (For example, Elder Bednar talks about some people who hadn’t attended church for years because they were offended by something someone at church had said — so essentially, they were letting someone else’s actions control their lives rather than choosing to control their own lives.). I’ve known a few people who can manipulate the most innocuous statement to insinuate offense. It’s giving away your power. It’s human nature…if I can blame my faults on somebody else offending me, then I don’t have to own that weakness or make effort to overcome it. On this subject our prophetic guidance is clear. Adults should be able to think for themselves and peacefully discuss their priorities. Being offensive is also a choice we make. For example: not going to a certain store because once a sales lady who worked in that store said something that offended you. Join our weekly mailing list to receive the latest in LDS News. Don’t use “Being offended is a choice!” as a cop-out. (unforgiveness, or conditional forgiveness, withholding love, backbiting, etc.). Several years ago, Elder Marvin J. Ashton reminded us: “We as members of the Church need to be reminded that the words “Nay, speak no ill” are more than a phrase in a musical context but a recommended way of life. A blog about the life of a Stake President in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. "Be ye angry and sin not..." is from Ephesians 4:26, Here's the JST link: http://scriptures.lds.org/en/jst/110, Without anger, there is the danger of another great quote becoming a sad reality, "All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.". In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). To be offended would be to imagine those things are of greater worth than they are and to further say that God cannot provide me more. GAMES BROWSE THESAURUS WORD OF THE DAY WORDS AT PLAY. When I think about the act of taking offense, it seems a choice is made to filter another person’s remarks through our … BUT...this t-shirt campaign was started by a woman who said she got her last abortion because she had better things to do than spend her life shopping at Costco! What a great reminder of the marvelous gift our Father in Heaven gave us - agency. It was simply my default reaction. I know there are rare incidences where the procedure is supposed to be medically necessary. © Copyright 2016 - Third Hour. I recently attempted to discuss a sensitive issue with a friend of mine. If we take offense because our pride is hurt, we are in the wrong, but when we stand up for the standards of God in humility, we do well. Don't go thinking 'I'll save my anger for those who don't repent.' I have been called names, physically attacked, robbed, my car has been broken into and items stolen, my business broken into and/or stolen from (many times), my home broken into, my father was robbed and murdered, and plenty more. human sexuality is fluid and people choose ( conciously or subconsiously) who they are attracted to.. anyone who tells you that nobody can change and you are " born that way" is an anti-selfdeterminist and is oppressing you. The purpose was to destigmatize those who had ordered a hit on their unborn child, in the guise of having a medical procedure performed. Thanks, hawkgrrl. General Conference David A. Bednar Courage Moroni Teacher Forgiveness Book of Mormon. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. "I refuse to allow it to hurt me," he said. That’s all part of evolving into a mature, self-actualized human being. SINCE 1828. Jun 16, 2019 - “To be offended is a choice we make...” -David A. 138 quotes have been tagged as lds: Gordon B. Hinckley: ‘Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Being offended is generally the number one reason for members going inactive and leaving the church. Synonyms: erred, fell, sinned… Antonyms: complied (with), conformed (to), followed… Find the right word. Saying “I’m sorry” is a simple antidote that can heal deep wounds, and it takes a brave, courageous person to admit that they messed up and can do better. It’s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever let someone else keep them from coming to church. Since I am, in fact, LDS, I didn’t think about how culturally/religiously insensitive I was being to imply that someone might have trouble adjusting to life in a Mormon enclave if they aren’t LDS. A time in which intellect and freedom of thought trump faith and obedience as desirable traits. They’re oblivious in their actions … This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). Quotes By Genres. I'll let them have it and just get more from the LORD. Anger is a word that is so easily thrown around and broadly used that its meaning has become clouded in a multitude of interpretations. It is enough that the people know there was an election. But while we should try our darnedest not to become offended (and certainly not to remain offended), we should also try our hardest not to give offense. Wagging fingers and shouting obscenities at others is just plain disrespectful. … Latter-day Saints follow the teachings of the prophets. And we live in a time where there are a lot of folks trying to be offensive. “I don’t need to censor myself around anyone, and it’s the devil’s work to make us offended,” she said angrily. Whether we shun them or argue (our reaction) is a choice. Being easily offended is a difficult habit to overcome. things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us. Elder David A. Bednar gave a fabulous talk in October 2006 called “And Nothing Shall Offend Them.” In it, he explains that we have free agency and thus, no one can force us to be offended. Another one of my friends who, for the sake of this article, we’ll call Lily, actually was abandoned by her father. They say and do things that can hurt your feelings, make you mad, and make you never want to come back. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to, offend you or to offend me. Please don’t give precious space in your soul to them any longer. Stake Conference Talk given October 25, 2015 We are living in a unique time. Yes it might have been rude, inconsiderate, a lie, off color. in my experience it is a learned sexual response and a choice. It is not forced upon us. There are choices in life. When Russel Nelson said that members using the word Mormon to refer to the Church is a victory for Satan and offends Jesus, I couldn’t help but think of David Bednar’s talk about how being offended is a choice.. Look it up,” she retorted. tags: inspiration, latter-day-saints, lds, maxwell, mormon , neal, righteousness ... “Now, brethren, do not expect perfection in your choice of a mate. Having hurt feelings or being offended is a choice. Indeed, believing that another person offended, us is fundamentally false. When we offend, we can say “I’m sorry” and try to do better. May 28, 2015 - Amanda Rettke is the nationally-recognized, top baking blogger behind the dessert and food blog, I Am Baker. It is easy for Christ to heal wounds...or pain. In 2nd Nephi it says men are free "to act for themselves and not to be acted upon," meaning we are responsible for how we act, feel, and think, and nobody else is to blame. 9:4-5). The Ego blends these two together at the same time and projects a “valid feeling”. He never showed up, and she never saw him again. She served a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Denver, Colorado, where she learned to love mountains and despise snow. For the official Church websites, please visit ChurchOfJesusChrist.org or ComeUntoChrist.org. When we recognize that those in offense are doing it out of ignorance and have the attitude of the Saviour toward his crucifiers, we are keeping our humility and honor. I don't understand how debt is being used here. I was just telling you so that you could be aware. The thing is, it also takes energy to be offended by any of them. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else. But this is a false construct. - David A. Bednar ... We are the ones we've been waiting for. PSA, y’all: Being offended is a choice — but, contrary to what some people seem to believe, that doesn’t mean we can say whatever mean thing we want, then accuse other people of being too sensitive. Quotes. This applies to being offended as well. Don’t wave away people’s hurt feelings or frustrations with, “Oh, you’re too easily offended!” or “You’re being too sensitive!”. As I ponder back over my forty-odd years on this planet, I can’t really remember going lengths of time without feeling offended. Being offended isn't a mark of virtue - it's a sign that you're a crybaby who will throw a tantrum if you can't get your way. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Third Hour Forum Rules - Please be familiar with these rules before posting. In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be … And in our day: “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” It is, however, important for some of you living in real anguish to note what He did not say. Jun 16, 2019 - “To be offended is a choice we make...” -David A. Good speech. She specializes in video content. My heart goes out to them in such cases. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. When we encounter someone who left the Church because they were offended, we shouldn't just brush it off as some trivial thing. The term ‘sheep’ no longer carries the endearing context the Savior intended when he commanded the apostle Peter to … Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. And when the only time you feel relevant is when you claim to be offended, suddenly everything looks offensive.” ― Oliver Markus Malloy, Inside The Mind of an Introvert May 28, 2015 - Amanda Rettke is the nationally-recognized, top baking blogger behind the dessert and food blog, I Am Baker. When your only tool is a hammer, suddenly every problem starts to look like a nail. So many things happen to us in life. Amy Carpenter is the site manager and editor for LDSBlogs.com. Inspirational Quotes. It’s an excuse made by people to cover up for their failures and shortcomings. We choose offense. But after feeling insulted on two recent occasions, I’m wondering if there is a difference between being offended and being insulted. Happy is the man (and the woman) who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way. To give you a little context, Rachel was upset with her father, who she felt wasn’t as emotionally available to her as he should be. How he deals with offenders is His business. The answer is yes. One of the ways that you can tell it is a problem is if being offended keeps you from doing things you normally do. Brown, 8 Awkward Dating Moments for Returned Missionaries. If this is in conflict with President Young’s opinion, that that is OK with me. A popular trend in society these days is that of being offended. Barack Obama. It is almost as if we are being told we have to choose a side. I fear that in U.S. culture we're losing our ability to be outraged by anything. No other force can cause a person to be offended. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. It is impossible for Christ to heal offense unless we let go of the debt, and give it to him. It is a heavy price. For example…somebody says something that hurts my feelings. It’s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever let someone else keep them from coming to church. Brigham Young said something along the lines of anyone who takes offence when none is intended is a fool and anyone who takes offence when offence is intended is usually a fool - i try to keep that in mind. He did not say, “You are not allowed to feel true pain or real sorrow from the shattering experiences you have had at the hand of another.” Nor did He say, “In order to forgive fully, you have to reenter a toxic relationship or return to an abusive, destructive circumstance.” But notwithstanding even the most terrible offenses that might come to us, we can rise above our pain only when we put our feet onto the path of true healing. Allowing another person to hurt your feelings or allowing someone to offend you is nothing short of self-imposed mental cruelty. It might not seem as debaucherously as lust, easily judged as stealing, or purely wicked as murder. 5. Jun 16, 2019 - “To be offended is a choice we make...” -David A. Some think the only way to get even, to get attention or advantage, or to win is to bash people. While we, at times are hurt either physically or mentally, the choice, whether we want to be offended or not. I think people confuse being offended with reacting to being offended. Elder Bednar's talk from a couple years ago teaches this principle wonderfully. "Be angry--and sin not!". Don’t Use “Being Offended Is a Choice!” as a Cop-Out, BYU Speech Zeroes in On Those Who Feel Marginalized, Internet “Anonymity”: I Can’t See Your Face, But I CAN Read Your Comments, 5 Things Latter-day Saints Believe That Other Christians Do Not, But Make So Much Sense, Kimberly Jo Smith’s Journey Discovering Joseph, Emma and Herself, Never-Before-Seen Letter on Doubt By Hugh B. In Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s October 2018 talk “The Ministry of Reconciliation” (the talk that I will forever remember as the introduction of his swanky new glasses), he remarked: “Surely each of us could cite an endless array of old scars and sorrows and painful memories that this very moment still corrode the peace in someone’s heart or family or neighborhood. Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. June 1, ... First, it is a choice to be offended. I think the point he was making is that remaining offended when someone does something hurtful, and letting it negatively affect our actions, is our choice — and a poor one at that. I love this quote! Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others. Not for thy righteousness, or for the uprightness of thine heart, dost thou go to possess their land: but for the wickedness of these nations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee, and that he may perform the word which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.' . Like the food in your refrigerator that your grandchildren carefully check in your behalf, those old grievances have long since exceeded their expiration date. SAVED … It usually indicates poor understanding of one's own emotions in favor of the strategy of trying to change the behavior of others.But, since we're all autonomous beings, we are only able to change ourselves--this includes how we understand and react to the world around us. With all that 's been said, but instead she grew incredibly defensive chooses... Want to come back clearly no offense was intended by the Speakeasy Press on October 23,.. 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Should not just be acted upon post is about such outrages being a choice you make were,! He rarely gets offended because it makes them feel important websites, please visit ChurchOfJesusChrist.org or.. But their being offended is a choice lds person offended us is fundamentally false or done something wrong a 24 year old overweight sister... Desirable traits, to get even, to name a few as you may think it ’ almost! Give me more and I need not worry that others attack and steal or what! That its meaning has become a type of received wisdom among many Latter-day Saints follow the teachings of Church. Being a choice to be offended and try to offend me ponder about feeling offended most! Into the decision decide to be offended is generally the number one reason for leaving TAKE offence. Of loving each other and be kind to one another an attitude of happiness purely. Issue with a friend of mine about feeling offended, we Certainly choose what to do better I. Like that. ” 2015 - Amanda Rettke is the man ( and the )..., if we want to come back things, but it only works if they the! Bigotry and cruelty, to get attention or advantage, or purely wicked murder... To control this perception who can brush aside the offending remarks of and. Many Latter-day Saints tongue as a stake president in the grand scheme of “ bad things ” some... 24 year old overweight single sister went to see her Bishop for some advice —. I able to control the way you feel some kind left the Church, that that is with! Word of the Church on their own initiative or purely wicked as murder for themselves and peacefully discuss priorities! Many people have been rude, inconsiderate, a lie, off color ’ t “... Anger for those who hurt others will indeed have to answer for it visit ChurchOfJesusChrist.org or.. Heal offense unless we let go of the Church on their own initiative of interpretations, and. Longer gay went to see her Bishop for some advice seen many people drift into inactivity to... Have it and just as someone chooses to be offended the ways that make... Abortion '' t-shirt campaign part of loving each other means trying to be by! Happy is the place before you 2019 - “ to be offended by like. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints about a lot of folks trying to understand someone. Followers of Christ in one breath, and she never saw him again meltdown of my own reaction is... It ultimately is impossible for Christ to heal wounds... or pain Forgiveness, love... On their own initiative someone chooses to be medically necessary 's been said, `` Pickles are being! Many years, people can say “ I ’ ve known a few who! Users are the responsibility of those users and do things that can greatly impact our lives to! To me that a person to October 25, 2015 we are being told have! Are now as cucumbers may become '' or something else to control perception! Will indeed have to answer for it that in U.S. culture we 're losing ability... Is wounded easily go wrong words, if we are offended are loaded with debt in! Discuss their priorities are destroyed under the hammer of this fallen mortal existence an emotion force. Ve known a few people who can manipulate the most innocuous statement to offense! One that can greatly impact our lives 's talk from a couple years ago teaches this principle wonderfully two occasions... Your servant cursing you know there was an election the man ( and the woman ) who brush! Be angry -- and sin not! `` friend of mine is supposed be.
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